will power is for people who don't want to get laid
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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