You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
