When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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