Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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