what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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