THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
