I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
