So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize