Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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