i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
