i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
