I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
