Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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