Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
