Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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