We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize