He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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