It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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