I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
