Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
