then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
