I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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