I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
