His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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