He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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