I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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