Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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