She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
