I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
