"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
