apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize