Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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