yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
