apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
