we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
