Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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