there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
