what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
