They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
why do cheetos always look like penises
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
