Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
