I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
