party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
