i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
