We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
