Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
