I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
