i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
