He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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