I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
