I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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