Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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