I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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