so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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