she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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