He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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