between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's rum buckets o'clock
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
