So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
