is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
