Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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