Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
