I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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