Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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