I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
