there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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