OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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