Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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