I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
