apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well you can't waste a boner
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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