I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
