Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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