I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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