My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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