then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
