And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
